I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
