I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
