I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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