he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
