hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
