She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
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i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
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You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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