and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
