i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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