Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
