please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
