I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Semen is not good for contacts.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
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Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
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So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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