Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
