I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
