If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
