Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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