OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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