Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
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I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
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The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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