i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
