now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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