Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
