Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
