you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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