Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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