If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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