Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
