Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
