You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
