Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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