Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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