I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it