maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
