just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
