I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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