How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
