There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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