that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
