WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
