i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
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