apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
