Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
