I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
