her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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