Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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