I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
