I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
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If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
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And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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