I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
