Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
