I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
