I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
