My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
