Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
