I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
