never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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