i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
