I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
