I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
