She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
even my farts smell like vagina
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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