I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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