i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
