Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
