Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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