I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
