Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
