So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
