thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
