i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We left the knife in your bed.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
