Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
