I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
