So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
