Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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