I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i out mim tonsoeep
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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