Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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