You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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